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depp, zane mallek in the studio and said pirate lessons from the one and only. thank you for having us, mr. depp. >> you need to give up some of these jobs you got, getting the cool fame and chicks and money and stuff. pass the ball. >> you want to be in a boy band? >> no, i'm just saying they're hogging. they're acting, now they're singing. let us have some fun. >>> next in the fast lane, we go to my hometown of san diego. you remember ron burgundy from anchor man, right? >> will ferrell? >> ron burgundy is writing a memoir about his good times as a member of the channel 4 news team. >> j.c., you realize this is a fake memoir. he's not even a real person. he's a character. >> i disagree with you on that one, kelly. ron burgundy is real. i saw him on tv. >> you're buying it, aren't you? >> yes. >>> we're headed to louisiana. there's a "duck dynasty" star who might rung for congress. you know the dude with the long beards, one of the friendlier guys on "duck dynasty." the republican strategists are trying to push him to run for one of the open seats that came up. >> he would definitely
: king phillip sent us here about a job for my wife. i'm not saying it has to be a good job but, again, we were referred by the king. all right, bear with me a sec. this thing's so freaking slow. i would make an excellent wandering minstrel. if i can play guitar on the stairmaster i certainly can do it while wandering. mmm, no. see, you're a woman. other than the yard-long margaritas we're pretty strict about historical accuracy. you're pretty much looking at cleaning wench, stable wench or butter- churning wench. are you sure you don't have any openings for a queen? warrior princess? is cleaning-wench go over the highest-ranking wench? highest? ( laughing ) oh, uh... yes. ( sighs ): i am sweating like a horse here. well, what happened to you? ( english accent ): i was punished for my sloth and impertinence. why are you talking like that? ( texas accent ): honey, you don't want the king to catch you breaking character. once he put me on stable duty for humming an elvis song. follow me, fair visitors. to our tasks. everyone! villagers approach! i hope you enjoyed the stable and the sty.
that would have won us the championship i broke my ankle. god was punishing me for being prideful. he didn't give me a fatal heart attack because he still wanted me to sell propane but he made his point. that's crazy. god wasn't punishing you. it was just a coincidence. no, it wasn't. it was god. is this why you're so uptight all the time? because you think something bad is going to happen if you act happy? uh... ( mumbling ) remember when you saw that bumper sticker "honk if you love america"? you smiled, pumped your arm and honked twice. i do love america. and your car didn't go off the road. you're right. we drove home safely. you know, maybe bobby's onto something with this "it's okay to feel good" stuff. well, if bobby says it's all right for you to run with the torch, i... i will not oppose him and i will not oppose you. i will let you run unopposed. hot or cold towel, hank? well, my torch hand is getting a little slippery. look at us. just like when we were in high school-- you secreting, me absorbing-- and you know, these are the very same towels from back then. hey, it's hank hill
no rhythm and they think they can beat us? oh, no. not two years in a row. and dancers to the floor. now, remember-- rock step, rock step, glide step, windmill. okay, let's do it. one and two and... clear the floor, you two. what? we're out? i refuse to acknowledge any tap before you have seen us windmill. don't make me tap you again. it's not over. hank, come on, windmill. come on, windmill! windmill! ...and he kissed the bride. ♪ my god! what happened to you? yeah, i looked pretty good back then, didn't i? 'course that was before lenore started cheating on me. two weeks before. ( sobbing ) uh... uh, yeah, but... but can't you meet someone else like on the internet? you can use your old picture. no, no, no. what are the odds of me finding another beautiful, classy lady passed out in my lap at a molly hatchet concert, huh? what about me? you think another pretty asian girl is going to move in next door? nope. you get one chance at love and if you screw that up you're going to be alone forever. what about this one? "dear bobby, i'll love you forever. connie." that was a lie. i had a let
if everyday was just a little bit better for everyone. hehee... if your dad knew he paid us $300 to hold hands and look at ourselves in a mirror he'd go crazy. good. he doesn't care about me at all. all he cares about are my stupid grades. let's see how my dad likes it when i'm too sad because you dumped to pass my bio midterm. you're going to fail a test on purpose? you have never been more beautiful to me than you are right now. dale: after 60 hours on the air, folks i have to apologize. that last caller was not the real spiro agnew although he did make some cogent points. it's live talk radio, people. working without a net here. okay, our next caller-- and this is quite an honor-- former soviet premier leonid brezhnev. c, c+, two "b-"s. ( sighs ) you really did it this time, son. you set realistic goals and you reached them. way to go. peggy: with grades like that you could become governor, and then president someday. ( kahn screaming ) an f? a- is unacceptable in this house. even regular a we're not so crazy about. what's going on? i'm so upset. i can't concentrate. the frog i had to disse
Search Results 0 to 4 of about 5

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